russkay

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Lots of stuff happening in the past three weeks. Complete change of life, another existential crisis, but a lot more peace too.

Right after I saw the lung doc, I had a lousy weekend. I was very very sick and really got to not caring whether I lived or died. On Monday I realized that I was sick and decided to call my doctor: DOH! In short order, he had me come to the hospital for an exam and some blood work, I had surgery the very next morning to put a set of catheters in my chest (hooked up to the carotid area), and on Wednesday I had my first dialysis session.

Dialysis. I don’t want any part of this in my life; I didn’t sign up for this; I’ll be damned if I get myself plumbed up to a machine for hours at a time three times a week. No way Jose. Not this guy. Just too scary and unacceptable an idea to take in. That’s something for other people to deal with, not me.

When push came to shove, however, I just went.

Being sick enough not to care, I actually found that the dialysis experience was remarkable in many ways. First, there was an overwhelming sense of déjà vu when I entered the dialysis clinic, even though I know for a fact that I had never been there before. But for all intents and purposes, it’s a clone of the chemotherapy treatment area that I took Harriet to for years (which is just down the hall, BTW). Same chairs, same caring nurses, same general drills. Only differences were the specific machines and the drugs, and this time it was me in the chair, not Harriet.

First dialysis on Wednesday. The next day, Thursday, was the best day I’d had in months. I felt great. More dialysis on Friday and then off for a weekend on the Cape with some friends. Jeez, life just might be worth living after all.

As I write this, I’ve now had diaysis three times a week for three weeks, and it runs three to three and a half hours at a crack Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This ends up chopping a lot of time out of the week, but people are telling me I look so much better, and how it’s nice to have me back again (bad puns and all!), and that I sparkle! (blush)

I’ve also had the fistula (and accompanying 10 stitches) put into my left arm, which at the moment is almost completely purple and looks like a Humvee ran over it. I’ve started wearing my wrist watch on my right arm, which feels awkward and inconvenient.

One odd facet of my present condition is that I have to change my eating behavior again. This time around I have to cut way down on the amount of fluids I drink, and avoid taking in too much potassium and phosphorus. I find I’m producing much less urine than ever before, which seems strange. I figured that when the kidneys shut down they just stopped filtering out the bad stuff, but apparently they pretty well stop doing anything, including feeding the bladder.

So I’m living in another universe again, with different rules and everything seems just a bit different. I’m not sleeping all that well, whether I use the CPAP machine or not (but now I can sleep without it, at least for several days at a time).

Alexx has been tested, but we haven’t yet heard whether he’s a match for me or not. Updates to come.

Had a bunch of friends over to watch a movie some weeks back, and we had a great time with the big TV and great sound system. The film that evening was Kundun, Martin Scorcese’s 1997 tribute to the Dalai Lama, and a gorgeous piece of work no matter how you look at it. This was such a nice experience that I’ve decided to institutionalize it. Beginning on May 12, I’m starting up a new activity, hosting a fortnightly film showing on Friday evenings for friends, with a lineup of scheduled movies, starting off with two campy caper flicks, The Italian Job (1969) and National Treasure (2005). That will be followed in two weeks by two musically mythological films, O Brother Where Art Thou (2000) and A Hard Day’s Night (1964, now in a newly remastered DVD 2-disc edition that I’m eager to see).

Tomorrow morning I’m going to skip church and drive to Natick for NEFFA (New England Folk Festival Association). I’m going mainly for a few talks, less than usual for the music, but I expect to have a great time. Didn’t get to much in the way of festivals last year, with Harriet’s dying, and so NEFFA and (especially!) Old Songs loom as important events for me to do this year.

I also want to take a short trip to Niagara Falls to visit my sisters and mother, and to see the old places again. I’m thinking that if I arrange to get dialysis there, I can probably travel directly from Old Songs on Sunday 6/25 or Monday 6/26, which would cut 2.5 hours from the drive out.

Life is getting better again. And busier, too.

Current Mood: cheerful